i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
