I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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