Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
