You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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