I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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