I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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