They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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