Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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