my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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