So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
