Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
