my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
