guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
