I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
