that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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