THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
