I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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