I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
