Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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