I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
worst night to have a conscience
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
