The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
where does the pee come out of this thing
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize