i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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