She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
