It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
