omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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