Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
