I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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