Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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