My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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