I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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