You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
