I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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