just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
