there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
