woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
