My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
