it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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