1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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