I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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