I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
