Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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