Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
