I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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