none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
