I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
