You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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