is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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