I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
