DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
