having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
