I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
