Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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