Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
