i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
