Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
