I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He better not be in your backpack
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
