so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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