these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
