Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
