wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
