If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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