I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
