I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
