Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
