i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
