Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
