We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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