i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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