Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
