I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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