Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
