I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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