i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
