i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize