I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Drake has all the answers
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize