just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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