I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
