um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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