honey bunches of taint.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
