So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
my liver is dry heaving
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
