Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
