I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize