I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
