guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize