Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
