I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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