So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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