she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
