im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
