Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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