I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
