I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i now understand why vodka
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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