I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Your cock deserves a montage
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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