I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
