I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize